i told the girl that I like that I liked her and she thought I was joking
I’ve had two meaningful romantic relationships; one with a psychopath and another with a straight girl
See that’s not okay
as a lesbian u sign an imaginary waiver that forces u to fall in luv with ur best friend and be the object of a straight girl’s temporary desires and that’s just life accept it
its weird that when I think of myself from a ‘long time ago’ I can now remember being sad over someone and listening to music while being sad over them, which now means that I’ve been sad over people for years now. I should be a pro at being sad over people but I still get just as upset and that’s bs
I know that I fall in love quickly, and I also know that I am more certain of the love that I feel for someone than how certain I am about the person that I am feeling those feelings for which is why I feel like sometimes I’m falling in love with the girl with the messy hair who is walking around the museum by herself
People are quick to assume that I fall in love with the idea of people and I used to agree but I don’t anymore. I think I fall in love without expectation of who they are, I fall in love with their old sneakers or their favorite band’s t shirt. I love them the way I see them and not because I’m making predictions of how they must be or what they’ve gone through. I just fall. I fall without knowing and I fall without caring.
I tell myself that I want to have sex but that’s not even true because I don’t want to have sex with someone. I want to watch them sleep, I want to play with their fingertips and listen to music while we’re naked under tangled sheets. I don’t want to have sex, I just want contact
I don’t remember a time where I could just listen to music without a song being attached to a memory.
I enjoy it when it takes me back to a a place at a particular time. There are several songs that take me back to Spain or rainy afternoons. The songs that I listen to with my eyes closed. It turns sour when I hear the songs that I gave away, songs that I gave to people that didn’t stick around. That’s the worst part, when my songs lose their innocence the same way a girl loses hers when she cries over a broken heart for the first time. It’s not ‘my’ song anymore, it’s a song that I should’ve never given away. Just like that old shirt or sweater that I wanted you to have so that a memory of me could keep you warm but now that whichever of the few disappointing relationships that I’ve had are gone, I’m left without my own things and I’m cold.
Listening to music is just a winter waiting to happen and it’s a pain in the ass
There’s a general agreement that there’s a freedom in being single
But the times I’ve felt most free were when I felt the most love for another person. When I dreamed about the same pair of eyes every night and I woke up every morning wanting to kiss the same pair of lips. That was when I felt the most free.
And now I’m single and I don’t dream of eyes and I don’t wake up wanting to kiss a familiar pair of lips.
I’m far from free in my own solidarity
Being single is nothing it’s cracked up to be
I want to love again
Not yours, I am not yours.
Not one part of me.
Stop loving me.
It makes things everything difficult.